"But Rachel’s blog is funnier…if you want something to shoot for."

That was a reader, offering a friendly bit of advice. Rachel, of course, is the proprietress of Testosterhome. So when she tagged me with this meme, I got out my Solar Death Ray and took careful aim. Something to shoot for, indeed…

Four Jobs I’ve Had:

1. Staff writer, San Diego Reader. I’ve written TV listings, cover stories, inside features, a TV column, some food-related stuff, a wine column, a church review, author profiles, events pieces – and, through the extreme generosity of my editor, even served as a cartoonist a couple of times.

2. Admissions Assistant, Thomas Aquinas College. Stayed on campus during my first two summers. Befriended the woman I would eventually marry. Discovered the Coen brothers and Raising Arizona. Imbibed. Had an absolutely lovely time. Wrote a lot of letters extolling the virtues of the school, usually to people who had already decided not to attend. Heady days.

3. Junior Camp Counselor, Camp Ki-Y or some such, a day camp run by the YMCA in Cortland, NY. I’d gone there when I was a kid, and never forgot the evening cookout on the last day of camp, when the Great Spirit (a blonde counselor in full Indian headdress and warpaint) emerged from the the darkness of the pond, standing in a canoe lit by torches fore and aft. He gave a speech about how pleased he was with us, and awarded necklaces with differently-colored plastic bear claws as prizes for Best Archer, Best Swimmer, Best Runner, etc. I treasured mine.

But the year I worked there was the last year that the Y would be able to use the land. Now, we had always been told that there was a swamp monster in the pond – that’s why you had to swim in the designated area. I played the swamp monster up for all it was worth. On the final night, it was my turn to play the Great Spirit. I was perhaps even less convincing as an Indian chief than blond dude had been, so I had the kids take me through a ceremony in which I was “possessed” by the great spirit. They dressed me up and painted me, and I knelt and chanted until I could start channeling his message. (Was this wise? Probably not.) Then I stood up and recited a creation myth I had written, one which explained the topography of the campgrounds as the fruit of a tremendous battle between the Great Spirit and the swamp monster. The monster had been imprisoned in the pond – but now, it seemed, because the land had become polluted, the swamp monster’s bonds were loosening, and it was no longer safe to have kids come to the spot for camp – my explanation for the camp’s having to shift locations.

I recited all this, in my best Basso Profundo, while standing in the canoe. As I finished, I began to rock the canoe from side to side. “The swamp monster!” I cried, just before capsizing the canoe and swimming, underwater, behind the pond in the center of the island, thus giving the impression to the kids (and their parents) onshore that I had never come up. The swamp monster had eaten the Great Spirit. (Was this wise? Do you even have to ask? I was younger then, and even more foolish than I am today.)

4. Assistant gardner and Chief rock hauler for a kindly gentleman on the outskirts of town.

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over Again
1. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
2. His Girl Friday
3. Chariots of Fire
4. The Untouchables
(Rachel got to toss in some seconds, so I will, too: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Quiz Show, Babette’s Feast, Dead Poet’s Society (at least in high school, which is when I watched movies over and over much more often) Help!, Max Headroom (the original British version). There are probably more, but that’s off the top of my head.

Four Places I’ve Lived
1. San Diego, CA
2. La Mesa, CA
3. Cortland, NY
4. Brookline, MA

Four TV Shows I Watch
1. Arrested Development
2. The Sopranos
3. Lost
4. The Simpsons (been a while, but I’ve got a bunch of stuff on tape. The rest of these I see on DVD – we killed the TV.)

Four Places I’ve Vacationed
1. Lake George, in the Adirondacks of upstate New York
2. San Francisco
3. Mohonk Mountain House, in the Catskills
4. Bar Harbor, Maine

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Open Book
2. Defamer
3. The New York Times (to my friend Michael’s eternal annoyance).
4. The Minor Fall, The Major Lift

Four Of My Favorite Foods
1. sushi – just like Rachel!
2. fresh-squeezed orange juice
3. The Wife’s potato gratin
4. bread – Zingerman’s deli in Ann Arbor is up there.

Four Places I’d Like to Be Right Now
1. Upstate New York
2. Johnsonville, in darkest Wisconsin (well, maybe not right now – maybe in May.)
3. Rome, with the Wife, staying with people who know the city and would like nothing better than to squire us around all day and show us the secretly best restaurants by night.
4. Yaddo! (Kidding. Mostly.)

Four People I’m Tagging
Lemme think on it.