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‘There once was a Catholic dandy…’

There once was a Catholic dandy;
Collar-pins and cufflinks were his candy.
As he fixed his tie-dimple,
He thought: ‘Here’s a temple
So furnished as God might command me!’

Pontifex Limerix III

Imagine Pope Benedict’s goal
In announcing his long years’ harsh toll —
The whole conclave, the smoke —
Was to set up one joke
From the window: ‘Habetis ********!’

Pontifex Limerix II

This new title’s an ungainly bother:
‘Pope Emeritus’! Wouldn’t you rather
It were short, sharp, and clean?
‘Ex-H.H. B-16’,
E.g.; too, perhaps, ‘Holy Grandfather’.

Pontifex Limerix

There once was a Pope Benedictus
Who could make me grin like I had rictus:
His keen, crystalline prothes
And symbolical clothes
Proclaimed, ‘Christ, for His friendship, has picktus!’

Our nice new Holy Father is Francis,
And I’m happy to give him his chancis.
(I’ll admit, though: I frette
At his lack of mosette.
Quæsumus, no liturgical dancis!)

How many angels can dance on the head of a pint?

The casuist’s glass gets a glug.
See? A sip! he says – then takes a chug.
I agree: You’re quite right
That one mustn’t get tight!
… As for me? I’m just cozily snug.