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Introducing “Sex Box”: Coming to a Stereo V Near You

“Once each couple enters the sex box, our experts discuss their initial observations, ranging from what they think is happening inside the box to whether or not the relationship will survive,” read a statement by WE tv. “Immediately upon exiting the sex box, each couple sits down for a heart-to-heart with the expert panelists to discuss what just happened, how they feel, and how they’re planning to overcome their issues.”

Something very important is happening in that box, but we can’t see it…we’ll just talk about it…because it matters. People doing things…to each other…sex things…sexy time things maybe. Then you can talk about it with Dan Savage, who is a sex expert. I would have performance anxiety, personally.  This might be more my style (if you judge by the comments, it might suit millions of other men. Good luck with that feminists)

Awful, yes. But really,  what’s taken so long. Coming soon, “Death Box”.

FYI, this is not to be confused with Dick in a box



  1. Does Fr. Kev Kevin have anything to do with this?


    • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says:

      Did you see that one of the couple’s postcoital interlocutors is a pastor?

      • I wonder if anybody ever thought of Father Kev Kevin as an agent of Puritanical Victorian mores.

      • Well, I don’t think I got far enough into the article to see that, but having worked in a protestant seminary for 8 years, it would not surprise me in the least.

        Not that most of them were like that.


        • Jonathan Webb says:

          Fr Kev would be on the panel, and still frocked. Although the local Bishop would have sense enough not the give him a parish. He fills in for vacationing priests. He rushed me along in the confessional.

  2. Oh, mercy. Real Doll has been ahead of those Japanese wannabes since the late ’90s.

    That poor writer on the SexBox piece – trying desperately to moralize without morality.

    Yes, thank goodness porn is teaching our kids how to have sex. Right Shalom? (Some rather prurient illustrations in that link, I’m afraid. Some rather frank description of sexual activity as well.)

    • Jonathan Webb says:

      What if someone likes Asian women?

      • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says:

        My grandfather liked an Asian woman, and she liked an Asian man (who happened to be the selfsame grandfather), with the consequence that my aunts and uncles number in the double digits, and I’ve lost count of how many cousins I have.

        Does that respond to your question?

    • Jonathan Potter says:

      That GQ article is something. Could be a preface to a conversion. (But sadly probably not.) Pray for that Shalom.

      • I almost gave that story its own post, under the title “Why I don’t do Today in Porn any more.” The rest of the world is pretty much caught up. Except maybe for the clown who wrote this sex box piece.

        • Jonathan Potter says:

          There’s a resignation about it that feels like it could be moving towards either faith or a deeper despair.

  3. I would very much like to know what the Founding Fathers would say if they could see American citizens — and, I suppose, “resident aliens” — being debauched on national television to further the cause of Cablevision. However, I always suspected that democracy would come to this.

    The medium is, after all, the message, and “broadcast television” is — as its name implies — a medium of tremendous and incorrigible promiscuity.


  4. Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says:

    Recalls the best of Mike Judge. Thanks Jonathan.

  5. It’s funny, but that Dick in a Box is still funnier. And first, by a couple of years.

    There’s hope for us yet.

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