Happy Valentine’s Day

Vampire Valentine

I gave my love a valentine
And a bottle of blood-red wine,
I sunk my teeth into my love
And said, You will be mine.

Zombie Valentine

A plate of brains helps my migraines
But darling you’re the one
Who makes my feel like my own meal …
Please put down that shotgun.

Philsopher’s Valentine

I made my love a heart-shaped pizza
And read to her from Nietsche,
She said Oh Fred now God ain’t dead,
As Kierkegaard could teach ya,
But I do adore — please give me more! —
Your pepperoni pizza.


  1. Great stuff as usual. But, please remember that you are dust and to dust you will return. Also, all glory is fleeting, all glory is fleeting, all glory is fleeting…

    Antler spray notwithstanding.

  2. Matthew Lickona says

    But amid your prayer and fasting
    Recall that love is everlasting
    Antler spray? Keep blasting.

  3. notrelatedtoted says

    This is my son’s:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I have a gun
    Get in the van

    I don’t know if he came up with that on his own, but I like it.

  4. Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

    Shorter ‘Vampire Valentine’*
    He Bit Me (and It Felt Like a Kiss)

    Re: ‘Zombie Valentine’, Line 3
    Autosarcophagy, Caution

    Re: ‘Philosopher’s Valentine’, Lines 5-6
    ‘Pepperoni pizza’ is my new favorite euphemism.

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