New from Korrektiv Press: Surfing with Mel

So there’s this.

And of course, it all started here.


  1. notrelatedtoted says

    YES. So much YES.

    • Matthew Lickona says

      Yeah, I’m pretty happy with the cover. Mrs. Webb (wife of Jonathan) put it together; she did a great job, I think.

  2. I got mine! That’s 35 cents right in your pocket, Mr. Lickona.

  3. Well done!

  4. Nice cover.

  5. I’m going to go by “Mrs.-Webb-Wife-of-Jonathan” for the rest of my life.

  6. Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

    Ha! Published! What did I tell you?

    Mr Lickona: Congratulations!

    Mr Potter, Mr Finnegan, Mrs Lickona: Pay up!

  7. notrelatedtoted says

    A great read. I would have easily paid $2.99 for this.

  8. Um, any chance one can get it in hard cover?

    We don’t work so well with the electrogizmogimmicktry out here in the sticks…

    But congrats anyway. The cover is stellar.

    Maybe I’ll see if we can get a reading of it recorded over at CRI…


  9. Congratulations! The cover is super awesome. Now I can’t wait to tell everyone I know about this.

  10. notrelatedtoted says

    OPEN: Tight shot on a front door to a residence. Dark wood, simple, but with some neo-Spanish accents to signal location. Sounds of birds chirping and a car door slamming shut. Steps up the walkway. A masculine hand comes into view and knocks sharply on the door. Door pulls open as camera pulls back to reveal LICKONA. T shirt, plaid pajama pants, ratty bathrobe worn open. Disheveled, having just woken up, slightly hungover. LICKONA’s face reveals mild surprise and confusion.

    VOICE: Are you Matthew Lickona?

    LICKONA: Uh, yes?

    VOICE: This is for you. Have a nice day.

    Camera continues to hold on LICKONA as he accepts a large manila envelope. He looks out at the camera with the same look of mild surprise and bewilderment. We hear the door to the car, open and close, and the engine start as LICKONA looks on, his eyes following the person walking away. He then begins to open the envelope, awkwardly tearing it open with struggle.

    Camera cuts to POV LICKONA as he pulls out the papers. Sounds of rowdy children in the background. LICKONA pulls out papers to reveal IN THE SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA, COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES, then MEL GIBSON v……Camera cuts back to original perspective just in time for LICKONA to turn and close the door, forcefully, but not slamming it.



  11. I love it notrelatedtoted, however, I think a lawsuit is the least of Lickona’s worries. I could see Mel, in a drunken stupor, pounding on his door screaming for Matthew to get outside and fight him on the lawn threatening to “place” his newest work in places that no man has ever gone before. I would say it’s not out of the realm of possibility, just saying….

  12. notrelatedtoted says

    Conference room in Downtown Los Angeles, long conference table, too long for the number of people in the room. ANGELICO sits next to LICKONA on one side of the table towards one of the ends. GIBSON sits on the opposite side, opposite end with GIBSON’S LAWYER. COURT REPORTER sits on LICKONA’S side of the table, but directly opposite GIBSON. GIBSON is glaring at COURT REPORTER with a slight smirk, COURT REPORTER nervously stares at her keyboard as she types. ANGELICO and LICKONA appear uneasy and tired.

    ANGELICO: I believe my client has already answered that question….

    GIBSON’S LAWYER: We’re just trying to clarify….listen, I need to make some phone calls. Let’s take a break, shall we?

    ANGELICO: Yeah, sure, but when do you think we’ll be wrapping up? I think we’ve covered everything.

    GIBSON’S LAWYER: (walking out of the room): Not too much longer, see you in 10!

    ANGELICO (leaning over to Lickona): I’m going to hit the bathroom and check in at the office. (Leaves)

    COURT REPORTER stands, straightens her skirt and quickly leaves the room, GIBSON’S eyes following her. Once she leaves, GIBSON’S eyes lock on LICKONA. LICKONA begins to push away from the table.

    GIBSON: So, you’re a writer. [LICKONA rises from the table]. Sit down. You think I’m about to get violent? (laughs). I read your book, you know. That one about scapulars. Not quite my cup of tea, but interesting. So, one tortured Catholic to another: why did you write this piece of shit?

    LICKONA: Well, I’m not….

    GIBSON: Jesus, did you try to shop it as an actual screenplay?

    LICKONA: Well, yes, but……

    GIBSON: And what the fuck is a kindle single? 99 cents? I’m worth more than that. (Laughs) How are you going to feed your kids on that?

    LICKONA: I’d better…….

    GIBSON: Sit down. I’m just twisting your balls a bit. (Laughs) Sitting here, you seem like an alright guy. That court reporter, WOW. (Pauses and makes a lecherous face) So, at 99 cents a pop, why the fuck did you decide to take a shot a me?

    LICKONA: It’s a great story.

    GIBSON: Yeah, people eat that up, fall from stardom and all that tripe. They can’t get enough of it! Everyday. It’s a relentless drumbeat of celebrity scandal. (Suddenly turning angry) Go write about a Lindsay’s coke problem, you hack.

    LICKONA: (Exhaling, steeling himself, somewhat angry) Well, this story is different. It’s a spiritual struggle. A real-life battle for salvation, rather than the usual “so-and-so checked in a treatment center due to exhaustion.” You and Joe are trying to work it out, through each other but also against each other. Hollywood doesn’t understand the stakes, and the media just sees an anti-semitic hate monger in a public shouting match with a washed-up, has-been of a screenwriter. I wanted to tell the real story.

    GIBSON: Yeah, I’ll bet you think you have the real story. Just like the rest of them want the real story. (Leaning across the table, lowered voice, face contorted with rage). But you don’t get the real story. Nobody gets the real story.

    LICKONA: I never pretended to know the truth. I took what was reported, and made a story out of it. It’s fiction. If people think its the truth, that’s their problem, not mine.

    GIBSON: Yeah, and my problem since my fucking name is all over it.

    LICKONA: All the great performers understand that the act doesn’t end on stage.

    GIBSON: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

    LICKONA: This is fiction. You know it’s fiction. There’s Mel Gibson the celebrity, who is not the same as Mel Gibson the guy in this conference room. Or is he? I don’t know. But suing me makes it look like maybe you’re afraid the truth is in there somewhere. This lawsuit helped me sell more copies than I ever imagined. If you had ignored it, no one would know this even existed.

    GIBSON: Yeah, well, too late. You fucked with the wrong guy. I feel sorry for your family.

    LICKONA: (Standing) You want to stick your thumb in the media’s eye? Make this into a movie. Produce it, direct it, and star in it. Cinema Verite for a 21st Century world obsessed with celebrity. I dare you.

    GIBSON: (Uncomfortable pause while GIBSON glares at LICKONA, face again contorting with rage. Then, laughter). I misjudged you. (Laughs again). You’re good. God, Joe would shit down both legs. (Laughs again. louder and longer).

    Camera cuts to scene identical to opener. Same sequence of events – sounds of birds chirping and a car door slamming shut. Steps up the walkway. A masculine hand comes into view and knocks sharply on the door. Door pulls open as camera pulls back to reveal LICKONA, identical attire as before same facial expression.

    MEL’S VOICE: Hi, Matthew! Good Morning! (Camera cuts to reveal GIBSON standing on porch of Lickona’s home holding a brown paper bag and a couple of coffees). I brought you some coffee, and a bunch of bagels and cream cheese. Your kids like bagels? If not, I can get some doughnuts, or whatever. Whatever they like. I know how kids are in the morning when they’re hungry. (Nervous laughter.) Listen. I thought maybe we could talk, you know? About this lawsuit (nervous laughter) which, by the way, is going to go away. I’m going to make that happen. Anyhow, I was thinking about what you said, and maybe, well, it’s crazy. But here’s the thing: it’s fucking brilliant.

    LICKONA: Wait, what, what’s brilliant?

    (Gibson pushes his way into LICKONA’S house, Lickona follows him in.)

    GIBSON: The movie. Your screenplay. I’ll produce it, direct it and play myself! Fucking brilliant. Oh, sorry. Excuse me, it’s really brilliant. Are your wife and kids home?

    LICKONA: Yes. It’s 8 am on a Saturday.

    GIBSON: Oh, right, yes. Well. Is now a good time to talk?

    LICKONA: I’m not sure we’re supposed to be talking to each other…..

    GIBSON: (Laughing) Right! Lawyers! (Laughs). Call me. Here’s my card, with all my contact information. You’ll call me?

    LICKONA: Uh, sure.

    GIBSON: No, really, I want to do this. I want you to help me and I need you to help me. You get it and we’re going to do this together. I’ll leave these bagels here on the table. (Then, gripping LICKONA’s arm and looking menacingly into his face) Call me. (Gibson leaves Bagels on table in entryway, and then exits the front door. Lickona just stands watching him leave in disbelief and slowly looks down at MEL’s card.

    MRS. LICKONA: (entering the scene): Did Mel Gibson just bring us bagels?

    • notrelatedtoted says

      I plan for a meatier role for Angelico, but I need to get some real work done now.

      • Matthew Lickona says

        You know, it’s not really nice to eclipse the original with your spinoff. I feel like Stephanie Meyer after E.L. James came out with Fifty Shades of Grey.

        But kudos. You’re amazing.

        Of course, if Mel did want to make it into a movie, we could re-incorporate scenes from the never-to-be-made movie, build a parallel/contrast to Mel’s own journey. The man knows how to make a sword-and-sandal picture.

        • notrelatedtoted says

          Oh please. I’m just avoiding my real-life responsibilities and wasting time on the internet. Besides, everyone knows that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

          And yes, the third installment would be making about making a movie about Mel making a movie. Melception!

        • Bagels. That must mean Mel thinks Matthew is… Well, never mind.


          • notrelatedtoted says

            It’s very layered. Like an onion!

            In a later installment, I plan to have Angelico blackmail Mel after having discovered his Jewish lineage. Unfortunately for Angelico, he had to cross the Masons in order to get his hands on that little tidbit. I haven’t yet decided how that plays out.

            • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

              Could my capture and/or execution by the Masons be the long-awaited trigger for the Supreme Knight to ‘execute Order Sixty-Six’ — i.e., the spark that finally sets off the war between the Freemasons and the Knights of Columbus? Or are you thinking in terms of some other genre?

              • notrelatedtoted says

                My thoughts were hazy at best, but did vaguely involve black helicopters and secret commandos fast-roping through skylights…..

                I feel like the KofC would go old school with some re-purposed traffic helicopters. Nylon windbreakers, armpit holsters, jeans and cowboy boots. Like something out of an 80’s cop show. Meanwhile, the Masons would deploy their elite tactical strike force, the Shriners, driving little tiny vehicles in crazy patterns.

              • And a twist: Who would the Supreme Knight be played by?

                Rutger Hauer.

            • Don’t EVEN get Angelico started about geneological conflict!

              To think – so much War and Peace and Crime and Punishment contained like the building steam in a pressure cooker on the stove with a pile of freshly picked cucumbers waiting in a collander to be transformed into sweet pickles with the long patience of winter in a Mason har…


        • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

          Of course, if Mel did want to make it into a movie, we could re-incorporate scenes from the never-to-be-made movie, build a parallel/contrast to Mel’s own journey.

          … et aspectus earum et opera quasi sit rota in medio rotæ…

    • Jonathan Potter says

      Another Korrektiv Press Kindle Single is born.

      • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

        Seriously, this is a legitimately good read.

        not~ted, I’m not just saying this because you ‘certified’ me with a doozy of a name-check: You should write more, where we can all see it. Please. This is a gem. The Mel/Matt scenes are worth at least $0.99 already.

        (But a word to the wise: Be careful about saying things like, ‘I’m just avoiding my real-life responsibilities and wasting time on the internet’ right after you’ve tossed off a few lines. Such talk in such circumstances is perfectly fine with most crowds — but not where, as here, we have professional ink-stained wretches in attendance, who are bound to envy, resent, and even fear the fluent avocational scribbler.)

        • notrelatedtoted says

          Yikes! That’s not what I meant! I was alluding to blind pigs, acorns, no writing chops here, etc.

          But thanks for the compliment!

    • (applause)

    • Funny.

    • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

      Bagels with Mel
      a blog post in script form by
      based upon
      a story in script form by
      Matthew Lickona
      based upon
      a story in epistolary form by
      Joe Eszterhas
      based upon

  13. Bought, shared on fb and twitter. Will read…soon….

    Kudos, man.

  14. I want to read it but have the same problem that JOB does.

    (I, too, have read way too much Wendell Berry in my life.)

    • Matthew Lickona says

      If you’re reading this on a computer, odds are you can download the Kindle App onto said computer (for free) and then buy the thing off of Amazon. BUT, never fear, we here at Korrektiv Press are working hard at setting up a version that will operate outside of Amazon’s purview…Thanks for your interest!

  15. This looks like a pretty cool idea. Can I get a hard copy somehow? I don’t have a Kindle.

  16. You can add another tally to your sales total, you will be at 4 million in no time.

  17. Southern Expat says

    #2 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Arts & Entertainment > Performing Arts
    #64 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Movies

    I will call that realtor in New Orleans about the office space we were looking into.

  18. HOORAY!!! I can’t wait to dive in and, perhaps, review!

    • That has to be my sales line: “Who wants to read? Let’s have a ##&&@! story! HOORAY!”

      • Robert Simpson says

        I planned on glancing over this briefly before bed but I started and couldn’t stop. I’ve been both repulsed by Gibson’s private life and entertained by his work. I actually saw The Beaver in theaters. (Yeah, one of the few.) Having said that, you nailed his voice, the uneasiness of it all and told a damn good story. Kudos to you and also a hat tip to my partner in madness Angelico for his role in production.

        • Thank you very much, Robert. Means a lot to hear that from you. If you’re a fan of Gibson’s work, I’ve heard that Get the Gringo is a solid B movie.

  19. Hi Matt, thanks for the link, I ordered it, so you have my .35 cents as well.
    Side-bar- every time I come to the blog I start craving fried chicken and waffles….

    Mel (not THAT Mel)

  20. notrelatedtoted says

    Power walking with Mel.

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