Today in Blind Items

Catholic movie star does not get down with jerking off.


  1. Cubeland Mystic says

    I don’t think blindness is the net result of “loping the mule.” I think the practitioner develops a pig’s trotter for a hand or so I heard.


    • Um, with or without hair?


      • Cubeland Mystic says

        I am not sure. I found the reference in an old manuscript. The vellum was quite cracked and hard to read. It was referencing some lost Aristotelian text. On the hand, it might have been the Summa.

        I think the critical point is that there is no sub-text here.

        • Well, I’ll file the whole controversy in that box with Shrodinger’s Cat until you we know if said paw is hirsute or glabrous.


  2. Southern Expat says

    Look. I know we’re supposed to be arch about this topic AND that I am the person who posted about the serial sperm donor. But really.

    What I don’t understand is why Mark Wahlberg did not knock the interviewer’s f’ing block off when asked about what HuffPo describes as “his own personal intimacy.” You are Mark Wahlberg. It’s kind of your thing.

    • Matthew Lickona says

      Yes, I was emboldened by your donor post. No, I will not make a habit of this sort of thing (snigger). But it’s kind of amazing, don’t you think? That a movie star would put it out there this way? I think he’s giving a witness, maybe?

      • Southern Expat says

        I don’t know. I feel sort of the same as I do when people list 1,001 Clever Catholic Comebacks to the question “Don’t you know how that happens?” re: pregnancy.

        I guess we can treat that as an opportunity for witness. Or we can just adopt a tone and say “Why do you ask?” or, Maggie Smith-faced, “I beg your pardon?” There is something to be said for not accommodating buffoons.

        • Matthew Lickona says

          But Mark Wahlberg is the opposite of Dame Maggie Smith. They guy broke through by dropping trou for Calvin Klein. To suddenly get all reticent would be odd for a straight-tawkin blue collar guy. It’s part and parcel of his rejection of the party-boy lifestyle.

          • This is true. I was trying to outline two options: the Wahlberg method, by which you witness to the outlandishness of the very question by bringing the pain, and the DMS method, by which your icy demeanor makes the questioner regret his very existence. Or you can do what Wahlberg actually did. That works, too, I guess

          • But how difficult would it be to simply looking the interviewer in the face, holding his crotch and saying, “This belongs to my wife now. Take it up with her!”? Same ‘tude, but you get to put a bit across on natural law and all that, too.

            He just got off that talk show with the Brit who replaced Larry King talking about how going to Mass, daily prayer, how important his faith is, blah blah blah. Well, where does taking one for the team fit in there, bub?

            Instead, he sounds snitty. Trapped between a sacred rock and a secular hard place. (I’m slackjawed as I just now consider all the entendres, unintended as they are, in that statement.)


            • Southern Expat says

              Piers Morgan?

              I’m guessing this is all pretty new to him – it seems like there’s a lot of news items recently about him, discussing his faith, and I know he has a new movie to promote. I have always liked Mark Wahlberg and his brother, too, who was really good on “Boomtown” several years ago on NBC. I’m sympathetic to the idea that just because a person is reforming in his personal life it doesn’t mean he wants to become the poster child for the Faith.

              • Who’s looking for poster child? How ’bout just *avoiding* scandal – in this case, among the faithful? Big diff, right?

                Or are we to take his “personally I’m opposed but…” with a grain of salt?


                • And besides, how was my alternative somehow turning him into a Scott Hahn?


                • Southern Expat says

                  No, I guess I was more thinking of Jim Caviezel, who is the poster child for poster children, actors-wise. I like Jim Caviezel a lot and he’s a very articulate witness for the faith. Wahlberg seems to have a more storied past, to put it mildly, and to me, I can just imagine him thinking “I didn’t think they were going to ask me about all this when I said I went to Mass.” It puts a lot of pressure on a guy to be going through a conversion experience in the spotlight like that.

                  • Sorry. You’re right. I think I’m giving him more credit than he deserves.

                    Well, at least he now he knows.

                    Someone should get him a catechism for his birthday or something…

                    Does anyone have his address?


                    • Southern Expat says

                      I’m pretty sure he reads our blog, aren’t you?

                    • No. He’s more of a Creative Minority Report kind of guy. I can sense it.

                      And besides, as an Eagle fan, he would be turned off by my stridency for all things NY Football Gigantic.


  3. I think you’re trying to tell me something.

    I’ll be pretentious too. ‘Vautrin est plus grand?’

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