Friday Mailbag: I need you to be poetic

From: [Rev Dave]
Date: December 16, 2011 10:19:49 AM GMT
Subject: I need you to be poetic

Dear sirs,

I am a blog writer of no apparent note. Every time I write a post and publish it, I receive spam. The english in these spams is clearly produced by the people who brought us the english translations we find in the box along with (name your own appliance) that has been made lovingly in China.

For example: “I am impressed with this internet site , rattling I am a big fan”.

Now perhaps they really are so overjoyed I am writing these thoughts that they actually vibrate in a holistic way. Or perhaps they are a yet undiscovered sect of poets whose genre we have never seen in the post printing press world. I am kind of hoping it is the latter.

I think this is one area we should not let the chinese steal a march in. Could you write a haiku that would both praise the blog writer while at the same time saying nothing?

I wait your answer with the intention of rattling when I read it.

Rev Dave


  1. Great thoughts here, your blog
    speaks to something all desire
    buy Ciali$ cheap

    • Well played, Southern Expat.

      • Angelico Nguyen, Esq., OP says

        Amen. Can’t improve upon perfection.

        What makes Expat’s work here especially special is that she matched the inevitable ‘turn’ of a spam comment (from inarticulate flattery to shameless sales pitch) with the ‘turn’ at the end of a haiku.


    • Cubeland Mystic says

      This could be close to the tag line of the blog. It should find its way to a side bar. Brilliant.

  2. Matthew Lickona says

    Online confession!
    Sins go here in the comments
    I will be back soon

    I can’t match Expat’s genius, but I tried to do something appropriate for a blogging priest.

  3. You are all too kind.
    I just thought I’d open a
    Fresh can of spam-ku.

    Get the ball rolling
    Harken back to fourth grade lit:
    All about haiku.

    All Americans
    Learned this much at some point, folks:
    Five seven five – fin.

    I kinda feel bad
    for Japanese poets past
    craftsmen in small verse

    Now it’s just a phase
    Kids go through with poems like
    “Ode to Pokémon.”

  4. Jonathan Potter says

    Here’s a real one, pulled from the Korrektiv comment spam folder:

    “I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours nowadays, yet I never discovered any fascinating article like yours. It’s lovely worth sufficient for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the net will probably be a lot more useful than ever before.”

    Challenge: translate this into spam-ku.

  5. Thank you (or should that be thanku) for my spamku. I rattled muchly.

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