Contents of Wallet

one powerball ticket
overall odds 1:35.11 ($1 play)
one check from my wife in the amount of five hundred dollars
one handwritten receipt for after school care in the amount of sixty dollars
one baggage claim receipt dated 10-17
several other receipts dated 10-17
a folded post-it note with a password and the email address of someone I met at a wake
a torn and tattered fortune-cookie message which reads, Versatility is one of your outstanding traits.
four photographs of my eldest daughter
two photographs of my youngest daughter
one photograph of both daughters
one photograph of my daughters and my wife
an expired groupon
a torn-out and folded newspaper article about a place called Big Rock
my driver’s license
debit card
credit card
insurance card
university ID
public library card
business card
real estate license (expires 2/10/2012)
rechargeable local coffeehouse card (no money on it)
another university ID
another one (expired)
KOA Value Kard (good thru 07/12)
Costco card
copy card
another business card, Joseph O’Brien’s address and phone number written on the back of it
twenty-three dollars


  1. Southern Expat says

    Save those receipts, dude.

  2. How big a pile does it make, dumped on the bed and viewed through your forefingers and thumbs?

  3. Jonathan Webb says

    How come no rhymes?

  4. I’m afraid I win. I have contact info for the devil in mine.

  5. Wait a second: real estate license?

  6. Jonathan Webb says

    It would be funnier if I posted this post and you had been missing for several days. Hah hah!

  7. Jonathan Webb says

    Yes, I know all your passwords and I’m talking to myself right now. Really. You people think this is a joke, but it’s real and the police are on the way.

  8. 2 Visa Cards – one decactivated, one recently activated
    1 MastersCard
    1 active ATM card (Peoples State Bank)
    1 defunct ATM card
    Driver’s License
    Brother in law’s insurance card
    5 business cards from others
    10 of my own business cards
    1 “Wedding Wishes” flower card with name, email, and phone number of youngest sister’s childhood friend written on back
    1 Five Dollar Bill
    1 Mortgage Payment Slip
    Plasticine slip (detached years ago from leather part of wallet) with various items:
    Item: Portrait of Wife
    Item: Identification Card – Blank
    Item: Portrait of High school student from Orthdox Jewish high school at which I taught between 1996-1998
    Item: Ditto
    Item: Ditto
    1 Social Security Card
    1 faded and scuffed Prepaid Phone card depicting a bald eagle with American Flag in background (fossil from pre-cell phone days)
    1 Roundys Saveers Club Membership Card
    1 Plastic Card with Icon of Theotokos on one side and Memorare on the other.
    1 defunct Knights of Columbus membership card (3rd Degree)
    1 defunct Health Insurance Card
    1 Winding Rivers Libary System library card
    1 defunct Perscription card
    1 defunct Henry Doorly Zoo membership card (Omaha, Neb.)
    1 defunct American Red Cross First Aid Basics certification card
    1 defunct American Red Cross Water Basics certification card
    1 defunct American Red Cross Sailing License
    1 ancient Shopping List with following items:
    Item: TP
    Item: Bananas
    Item: Puff Pastry x 3

    • The Lone Deranger says

      I don’t think you’re supposed to carry around your social security card. Bad luck.

    • Southern Expat says

      My husband also carries a defunct 3rd degree Knights of Columbus card. Do you know if they have amnesty for unpaid back dues? If not, he will remain defunct in perpetuity.

      • God knows, there’s some poor Financial Secretary out there who is eating his heart out at this very moment for the persisent red ink he must face every time he opens his ledger!

        If you believe at all in mercy and justice and the chivalric code of Columbian Knighthood, get those dues paid!

        On the other hand, if you don’t, well, spend it on beer, I suppose – maybe buy your council’s FS a six pack to ease his woes…


  9. Jonathan Webb says

    Does an ankle bracelet count?

  10. FUDGE!

    • It’s in my wallet. It’s coming out my ears. I have too much fudge.

      • We brought our fudge home and sliced it up for the whole family to enjoy. Then we gathered ’round the fireplace and sang spiritual songs to salve the soul. But the fudge overpowered us, and we were soon fast asleep.

  11. Jonathan Webb says

    You obviously coveted it or you wouldn’t have it, so enjoy it.

    That bitter fudge.

  12. Wow, a wallet with wheels and a handle.

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