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Archives for 2010

Seattle Joke

A beautiful young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Puget Sound.

But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. “You have so much to live for,” said the man. “Look, I’m a sailor, and we’re off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe .”

“I see,” the captain says.

“Plus,” she added, “He’s screwing me.”

“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Bremerton Ferry.”

"The brief history of rock is the evolution of license’s orthodoxy."

Because Korrektiv has the coolest friends on the block…

The Manhattan Lawyer passed along this wondrous screed. It took me back.

“One of my freshman English students, sent to find an example of debased language from the world of the lie, selected an ad for a brassiere promising Sexy fun, 24/7. This is a lot of pressure to put on your urogenital hydraulics. What, no refractory period? No menstruation? No bean soup, no coffee, no long phone calls to old friends, no train trips to the city? It sounds like hell to me: like Paolo and Francesca, speared together for eternity. O anime affanate, / Venite a noi parlar, s’altri nol niega—but someone has forbidden speech. Their burning is all but drowned out by this f*cking music. I couldn’t hear you. What were you saying?”

Today in Porn, Straight to DVD Edition

“Here’s a man with impeccable taste and the boldness to push against taboos—not for shock value, but in a matter-of-fact way that made those taboos seem insignificant.”

Impeccable taste? With that shirt?

After the rain.

Today in Envy

I don’t want some crummy old iPad, anyway, plus here are 10 Reasons Why This Other Person Doesn’t Want an iPad.

This year’s totem is next year’s meh. Economists call this “the hedonic treadmill.” Human beings quickly get bored of each new item. We always want the buzz from something newer, better, bigger, faster or fancier. But the treadmill never stops.

Coincidentally, this is the only treadmill I regularly utilize.

The scarcest resource in life isn’t money, land, fresh water or gold. For singles under 25, the scarcest resource is sex, and for the rest of us it’s time. And the biggest waste of time I’ve ever discovered—after games (see above)—is the Web. Nothing comes close.

This guy definitely needs to subscribe to our RSS feed.

Speaking Truth to Power

Being on God’s Side: An Open Letter to the Religious Right

Adherence to our principles trumps loyalty to those who simply share our religious identity. Several years ago, at Family Research Councils Values Voter Summit, Southern Baptist leader Richard Land said he’d vote for a Jewish pro-life politician who promised to raise his taxes before he’d vote in a Christian pro-choice candidate who promised to cut them. The rousing applause he received was as disturbing to many Republicans as it was to many Democrats. But Land knew how the issues should be prioritized. We should too.

Oh, and this, too:

Our allegiance to any political party should be modest, contingent, and made with a full awareness that both the Republican and Democratic parties will attempt to distance themselves from us as soon as elections are over. Both parties have always done so and will likely continue that tradition until the Eschaton. Our goal, then, should merely be to usher in the side that will slow the process of disorder, allowing us the room to maneuver to re-strengthen and fortify society’s other institutions.

Speaking of Hypocrisy…

A few posts down, I throw down the gauntlet (politely yet firmly) on challenging the double standard to which the Catholic Church is (I believe) unfairly being held – unfair, at least, if you consider the comparative stats on the issue of abuse.

(In fact, while I don’t have hard data – considering the latest Ick Factor to come out of academia, I wouldn’t be surprised if the rate of abuse among school teachers is signficantly higher than other segments of the population – but no matter…)

For now I shift the angle of my attack away from a defense of the priesthood – and in the spirit of giving which the coming season – a mere two days away – calls for, I wish to give back to liberals as good as we get from them by reminding them of their own two-faced ways (which is also appropriate for this time of year – considering New Year’s is a week away).

If the Catholic priesthood is most famous in modern society for being a group of celebate men who preach sexual abstinence while diddling boys – then surely liberals are best known for caring “deeply” about our tired, our poor, our huddled sodomite masses even as all the while (to paraphrase the current Oval Office Occupier) they desperately cling to their investment portfolios, their pet causes and, apparently, even their own daughters.

Indeed, these same compassionate liberals have created a veritable anthology of such humdingers as “reaching out with outreach,” “ministering with not to,” “comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable,” and other such wonderful PSA jingles.

And yet… and yet…. and yet.

Hint: Christmas is coming – what do you have to give the liberal on your list?

What is the official Christmas carol of

My nomination: Coventry Carol.

Lullay, Thou little tiny Child,
By, by, lully, lullay.
Lullay, Thou little tiny Child.
By, by, lully, lullay.

O sisters, too, how may we do,
For to preserve this day;
This poor Youngling for whom we do sing,
By, by, lully, lullay.

Herod the King, in his raging,
Charged he hath this day;
His men of might, in his own sight,
All children young, to slay.

Then woe is me, poor Child, for Thee,
And ever mourn and say;
For Thy parting, nor say nor sing,
By, by, lully, lullay.

But perhaps, to really capture the Korrektiv aesthetic, we’d need to temper it with a bit of that Big Band sound, as interpreted by…The Pussycat Dolls.

It can’t be true…

…because only Catholic priests are pervs, right?

I wrote a (very short) review!

Sigh. Little Fockers.