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Some days are harder on faith than others.

This collection of people trying to contact Mel Gibson via the comments section of a guy’s blog post makes me very sad. It’s not just people with screenplays. It’s people with messages from God, people with troubled marriages, people who need money, people who want jobs, people who want a Noah’s Ark movie with dragons and giants, people who have a strange spiritual connection to Mr. Gibson that they cannot explain, people who want help suing a hospital, people who want him to speak at their church, and on and on. Possibly the most heartbreaking: “take me seriously, please.”

In other news, the guy played Hamlet. I think now he may be ready for Lear.


  1. Cubeland Mystic says

    Why are you "very sad" Matthew and how is this hard on your faith? I don't get it. It's not so much that I don't get it, but it calls to mind the tens of thousands of reasons why this could be hard on your faith.

    Could you please narrow it down to the key point of despair?

    The reason I ask is because I sense that this could be the epic blog post of the 21st century. This is the post that is going to change lives. This is your money maker.

    Right now, Mel is up in Malibu sitting in his office, naked, overlooking the pacific. He's wild–nursing a bottle of Cabo Wabo, clutching a rosary in one hand, and spinning a Sig Sauer, chambered with one bullet, on the index finger of the other.

    He randomly types the Latin words of consecration into google. He cries out to God before hitting enter, "Lord bring me to a site that will give me a reason to not pull the trigger!"

    Each search leads to disappointment and despair, and with each failure he pulls a rubber banded bundle of hundreds out of his desk and hucks it across the room at his wall of Hollywood bling.

    Finally down to the last bundle of hundreds to throw, last slug of Cabo, last rosary bead to pray, and last bullet to shoot. . .google or providence leads him to your site and this post.

    He reads it. He pulls the Sig out of his mouth, and sets it next to the empty bottle of Cabo. "Who is this young brooding November?" He asks stunned by the level of despair. "Could there be a man on earth lower than me?" He pauses instead of pulling the trigger he clicks on the comments.

    What's he going to find in the comments Matthew?

    This is the elevator blog pitch of a lifetime. Don't hold back!

  2. Mr. Lickona.

    I just found your website.

    I and Icon.

    I thank you for being there for me.

    I and Icon.

    Thereby, I just found my reason for living.

    I and Icon.

    I want to play Alphonse in the live-action film that is inevitably going to be made.

    I and Icon.

    I can play Alphonse.

    I and Icon.

    I need to play Alphonse.

    I and Icon.

    I will play Alphonse.

    I and Icon.

    And only I can make it happen.

    I and Icon.

    Also, I have a host of ex-porn stars who I will cast in the other roles.

    I and Icon.

    You will sit back and watch it happen.

    You and Ikon.


  3. Matthew Lickona says

    I am not worthy.

    But if I was in an elevator with Gibson, and had one minute to pitch, it'd be Swiss Guard. Mercenary who commits one atrocity too many and finds God at the bottom of the pit. Then loses Him again at the top of the mountain – he sees too much corruption and Mammon-mindedness in his life as a member of the Swiss Guard. And THEN, he uncovers a plot to assassinate the Pope, born from the unholy alliance of French atheists within the Church and Global capitalists outside it… An action movie about the struggle to keep faith. How could he say no?

  4. cubeland mystic says

    I think we are about 3/4 there with this.

    I think Alphonse has Mel's name all over it. What kind of accent does Alphonse have? Have you tried to work the Chicken idea into the story? (The one I suggested to you during our meeting last year.)

  5. It's not just people with screenplays – it is one fabulous potential screenplay!

  6. Matthew Lickona says

    Ellyn, that's brilliant. Dear Mr. Gibson – coming soon.

  7. Matthew Lickona says

    Oh, and CM – the chickens are never far from my mind.

  8. cubeland mystic says

    It works on so many levels. And with Karate Kid coming out this summer . . .

    From your biography 30 years from now

    "Up the road, in his shack Matthew was sleeping again. He was still sleeping on his face and the boy was sitting by him watching him. Matthew was dreaming about the chickens."

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