Today in Porn, Cornstarch Edition

[I dunno – The Wife thinks this one is a bit much. Gentle souls may wish to turn aside.]

Thanks to porn’s collaboration with the music industry, and thanks to the fact that I work for an alternative newspaper that covers the Southern California music scene, I have managed to land my lucky self on publicist April Storm’s email list. And that means that I can tell you that porn legend Tera Patrick will be signing at the Fleshlight Booth at the upcoming Erotica LA, as she promotes her “best-selling toy, the Tera Patrick Fleshlight.”

What is a Fleshlight? It’s shaped sort of like a flashlight. Here’s a cross-section – see if you can figure out the rest!

From the press release: “‘Fleshlight makes a terrific product,’ Tera says. ‘We have collaborated on the best selling toy in the world so this will be a great opportunity to meet fans and show them the Tera Patrick Fleshlight. As much I would love to be with each and every one of my fans, there just isn’t enough time. The Tera Patrick Fleshlight is the next best thing to being there.'”

Get that, guys? Tera would love to have sex with each and every one of you – but there just isn’t enough time. Thank heavens for the Fleshlight – and cornstarch!

From the Fleshlight FAQ: What is the best way to clean the Fleshlight? 
Simply rinse your Fleshlight insert with warm water from your sink and allow time for both to dry before storing. Do NOT use soap to clean your insert. For tough cleaning, we suggest using a little isopropyl alcohol. To maintain that soft feel, sprinkle a liberal amount of corn starch on the insert and shake off the excess powder. We do NOT recommend the use of talcum or baby powder. NOTE: Powdering an Ice Fleshlight with anything other than corn starch will cause it to cloud over.”

Man in supermarket: Um, where’s the cornstarch?

Supermarket employee: Making some gravy?

Man in supermarket: Um…not exactly.

Comments

  1. As much I would love to be with each and every one of my fans, there just isn't enough time. The Tera Patrick Fleshlight is the next best thing to being there.

    And they said that bad girls go everywhere…

  2. NewMexicoNurse says

    Matthew, I want you to know that I got to the end of your post and had to google this …toy before I understand WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO DO. Who has the courage to review this on amazon anyway? I didn't have the courage to watch the youtube video either – what would my ISP or wife think? Since we are talking shop, I am surprised that rubbing alcohol works best – wouldn't it slowly degrade the surface? Should we ask Miss Patrick?

  3. Matthew Lickona says

    I am sorry my post was not clear enough as to the Fleshlight's function. I was gonna post a full pic, but wiser heads prevailed. But I somehow doubt that Miss Patrick wastes much time on such considerations. I could be wrong, however.

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