Porn and the Sacred Heart, a personal essay at Godspy. Worth reading, I think. Do go take a look:
“It’s been eight months since I made love to my wife. Eight months since the birth of our daughter. Sometimes there are tears of frustration. Sometimes, I take secret pleasure in a sexual purity that I haven’t known since the fifth grade. The stains of my sexual brokenness, that I thought had been cleansed by marriage, can’t hide any longer behind the sloth of a satisfied husband in bed. I lay awake at night hoping that this celibacy is not permanent, but that the chastity—my own properly ordered sexuality—might be. This isn’t purity based on unknowing, as if my mind could somehow regain the innocence of my prepubescent past. Rather, it’s the purity that comes when you admit there are some corners of the devil’s hell you still find overwhelming erotic, but still, once more, you decide to look away.”
Wow, what a great essay. Thanks Matthew!
I second that, awesome!
I could see the pain and honesty in this essay, but found it weirdly incomplete.
Yuck. I usually can handle this kind of thing, but reading that man’s thoughts and past (and I know his life story is not unusual) made me feel icky all over. Is controlling sexual appetite such a sorry, losing, need-to-go-to-confession-every-week battle for most men?
It all just feels so heavy and sad. What exactly is wrong with his wife that she can’t have sex? She needs further medical attention. I think this man is accepting an unreasonable “penance” for past sexual sins that is quite likely unhealthy for his marriage.
Yeah … that was just awesome. Totally relatable.
I doubt he intended to type “ovulation was immanent,” but maybe it’s better this way.
You know, gosh, I really hope he is writing under a pseudonym. For the sake of his wife. Sometimes I think we are all getting too personal.
I thought it was gross. If I was his wife I’d be awfully nervous after reading this.