Fiddleback and Mantilla..

…a fantabulous band name?

…no, wait – better: a crimefighting duo. “Put down that sledgehammer, Etradicator! This is one set of olde-timey stained glass windows you won’t smash in the name of updating!” (Fiddleback slings his Thurifer, which, much like Thor’s hammer, always returns to him, and knocks the hammer from Etradicator’s hand.) “Mantilla! Give him a little of that genuflexion action!” (Mantilla drops to one knee; as her knee touches the ground, a bolt of energy flashes from the point of contact, knocking Etradicator senseless, or at least offending his sensibilities.)

Sorry. Things that come to you in the back of church while you wrestle your two-year old…


  1. Anonymous says

    Ah. The life of a parent at Mass. I think moms and dads only get time to pray after the wee ones have gone to bed.

  2. Meanwhile….back at the Reredos of Tradition where the League of Roman Catholicism meets to defend the world from modernism and syncreticism in all their varied and destorted shapes, Beretta Man and Cassock Boy try to figure out how to foil the insidious Unversalist Creep’s plot to fool the people into thinking that “multis” could be translated as “for all.”

    “Gee whiz, Berretta Man, if we show up U-Creep as the translating swindler he is, purposely confusing Christ’s intention for enduring death on a cross with the actual fruits of His passion, death and resurrection, won’t we be compromising the dignity of the U-Creep as a human person – denying him his inalienable rights as a self-giving giver?”

    “Ho, ho! Cassock Boy, someday you will learn that error has no rights – and one of the most pernicious villains in the felt-banner lined Sacred Space of Evil is Universalist Creep – along with the Pantsuited Sisters of Crappy Catechetics and Mushmouth the Equivocator.”…

    With those words, Cassock Boy took a step back as he brushed aside the horrific memories of being trapped by Tender Fire – the half-man half-woman entity whose “spirituality of sexuality” wreaked havoc on chastity, celibacy and charity – and Choicewoman, the self-aborting fetus creature who lives only to die….

    Strapped to a communion table, Cassock Boy was made to endure a continual bombarbment of balloons and butterflies as Dan Schutte and Marty Hagen music played in the background and Francis Kissling motivational videos played in a continual loop in Surroundavision. Luckily, Patristic Man came just before Cassock Boy began exchanging his scapular for a WWJD necklace… With a singular command of the ancient Church documents against novelty, Patristic Man sent Tender Fire and Choicewoman packing with their vague and inconclusive middle terms tucked between their legs…


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