Whiny Author

So there’s a dude at the info desk at Borders tonight, and he’s got Garry Wills’ Why I Am A Catholic in one hand, and he’s asking where he can find Jenna Jameson’s How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. And I’m thinking, “Dude, you are my ideal reader.” I would have loved to put my book in his hands (to say nothing of book two), and according to the computer, the store had it on the shelf. (Not that there’s much of a chance that I actually would have had the guts to approach him.) According to the computer. According to the shelf, nada. I actually bleated – it’s the sixth or seventh time I’ve visited, seen it listed “in stock,” and not found it on the shelf. I am such a sad specimen.


  1. It’s flying off the shelves so fast that the computers can’t keep up.

  2. jack black says

    Nice, anon.

    I think bleating, or simply pointing this out, to someone working at the store wouldn’t have been whiny at all. You wouldn’t have to identify yourself as the author! For that matter, you might have approached the dude at the info desk in a similarly anonymous fashion (“Hey, I noticed you’re interested in both Catholicism and porn…”; sounds like a great pick-up line!)…

    Seriously, though, gotta stretch that hand across the void. Those of us who “get it” need to find each other.

  3. Matthew Lickona says

    If only.
    I actually did point it out to an employee – who turned out to be extremely solicitous. The computer said the store had five copies, but there were none on the shelf and none in the back.
    That’s a good image – stretching the hand across the void. And a good point.

  4. Father Stephanos, O.S.B. says

    How I would have loved to have been there! In my clerical collar! “That’s an interesting choice of books.”

  5. Anonymous says

    I’ve found that similar problem in Borders in Jersey. Fortunately after a lengthy search through the backroom we found it.

    p.s. I love your book, I just picked it up, but when I finish, be assured it’s getting props to anyone and everyone I know

  6. Matthew Lickona says

    Thanks so much!

  7. Dorian Speed says

    So…if I loved your book, does that mean I am repressing my desires to dabble in apostasy and smut?

    Or, if not, am I the anti-ideal reader?

    For what it’s worth, I just had my local Borders order me a copy of your book, since I gave my copy to one of our guest speakers. And then I forgot to go pick it up (in my defense, I continue to have good intentions). So it’s probably on the shelf of my neighborhood Borders.

  8. Matthew Lickona says

    Touche, Anon Teacher Person. I don’t really know who my ideal reader would be, and I’m grateful to anyone who enjoys/finds something of interest in the book. I guess what I meant was that I hoped my book would serve as a point of engagement for someone who was very much in the world (the Jameson book) and still curious about the Catholic faith (the Wills book). But very decent of you to spread the word, and very decent of you to order a second copy. If that’s not an ideal reader, I don’t know what is.

  9. Anonymous says

    He he he 🙂

    Your ‘ideal reader’ made me laugh out loud.

    Guilty as charged!

    Emily x

  10. You totally win my Catholic Blog award for Best Promotion of Smut. I had self-awarded it to myself, but you’ve got me beat!

  11. Matthew Lickona says

    Gosh, Ambrose, I’m blushing. Whether it’s from shame or gratitude, I won’t say. However, I will say that I think it’s safe to say that that particular award won’t be part of the official roster anytime soon.

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