Not quite this anymore….
….thanks to the newest Korrektivkind:
Claudia Maureen. 9 lbs. 6 oz. 20 3/4 inches. Feb. 9. (4:50 a.m. (that’s right, A.M.)
Which for those with Irish Alzheimer’s (you forget everything but the grudges) means mnemonically that 2 had 9 on 2/9…
So, I might be looking for a new set of plates but then again I might not… You see, 9-9 just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Lance Armstrong is a big fucking asshole. That seems to be the emerging consensus in the wake of his confession. One of the experts on the subject is Mike Anderson, a former mechanic and personal assistant to Armstrong. In Anderson’s recent interview with Sports Illustrated, what may be of interest to readers of Korrektiv is that Anderson mentions Kierkegaard.
SI: Is there anything Lance can say to Oprah that would be meaningful to you or that you make you contemplate forgiveness?
Anderson: I’ve thought about that a lot in the last few days. I was reading [philosopher] Soren Kierkegaard. Part of what he talks about is forgiveness and guilt and anxiety and the roots of it all. … I still have these notions of forgiveness and turn the other cheek. But I wonder, what are the reasons? Who benefits from forgiveness. Me? To unload bitterness I have against Lance and Bill Stapleton and people who lied and ridiculed me? Or is it for Lance? The sinner, conceptually, if you will. Or for both of us? I just don’t know if it will do me any good whatsoever to say lets let bygones be bygones. The cynicism I have about the whole thing, there’s no contrition in Lance Armstrong’s heart. It’s a calculated effort. For what purpose, I don’t know. I don’t see it as at all meaningful.
I’m curious about that ellipsis (…) following “forgiveness and guilt and anxiety and the roots of it all.” Did Anderson say more about his reading of our man K that the SI editors deemed too philosophical for their brain-damaged readership? Here’s our chance for some real investigative reportage, K-team. Get on it!
“How my friend Maria joined the Sacred Order of the Very 1970s Catholic Social Apocalypse/Baseball Novel.”
He sits in the corner, curled as a punch,
But placid all the same, accounting for
His pyrrhic losses, eating at his lunch
And sipping whisky with a petit four.
“The dainty roughs it out,” he says, “with sweet
And tough.” He crimps his toothless mouth. The gums
Are sucking glory while his withered feet
Begin to shuffle. “Seven rounds,” he hums.
“We thought all twelve; he went down in seven.”
He makes a fist – the knuckles gnarled and sprained –
And socks up an open purse for heaven.
Counting the seconds the way he was trained,
He rubs the rubber wheels that hold his chair
And pummels memory. The clock on the wall
Is full of feints and jabs. Perhaps aware,
He leans in – posterity takes a fall:
“He didn’t last,” he says. “I taught him all’s
He knew.” He dribbles whisky, glad to stew
About the past. His eyes are medicine balls.
“But didn’t teach him fuck all that I knew.”
Don’t zig if you can Zag.
Top three comments in Johnsonville, immediately after witnessing what Wayne Laravee referred to as “The Travesty”:
1. “Russell Wilson: First quarterback in NFL history to win by throwing an interception.”
2. This is how Obama is going to win in November.
3. I thought Giants fans [i.e. JOB] were out of control!
Then to add insult to injury, because points scored by a team in a game are part of the play off calculus at the other end of the season, as the AP reported it, the Packers had to eat their anger and show the stuff of true sportsmen by having to endure a final humiliation:
The game wasn’t over for another 10 minutes after both teams went to their locker rooms and were summoned back to the field for the extra point. But that was just the cap to one of the most bizarre finishes in recent memory.
ADDED: The NFL came out definitively in favor of the rep refs (i.e. Footlocker employees and Lingerie football rejects):
Simultaneous Catch. If a pass is caught simultaneously by two eligible opponents, and both players retain it, the ball belongs to the passers. It is not a simultaneous catch if a player gains control first and an opponent subsequently gains joint control. If the ball is muffed after simultaneous touching by two such players, all the players of the passing team become eligible to catch the loose ball. (emphasis mine)