There once was a man from Wisconsin
Who walked from Madison to Dublin
Always so irrigated
And never too irritated
That the pubs all closed before eleven.
From the JOB Archives: Limerick
January 10, 2013 by at 11:56 am
Merry Christmas from the American Nihilist Underground Society
December 20, 2012 by at 6:54 pm
I can’t recall the exact path which led me to these guys, but sometimes the destination really is better than the journey. If, like me, you find Scrooges to be the best entertainment money can’t buy, you might enjoy this anti-Christmas screed. Or at least this excerpt:
Christmas is just another day, and a day in which you can do what you want, as long as you aren’t fooled by the hype of the crowd. Happy are those who never hear Christmas music at all, but happier are those who hear without hearing, and notice the holiday without heeding. Crush Christmas with your awareness of its meaninglessness. There’s no need for despair if you never take it seriously in the first place.
I don’t know which I like more, the one ironic twist too many in the acronym, the overly precious alliteration, or the quasi-biblical intonement of “notice without heeding”.
Happy Holidays, everybody!
Prince Alphonse
December 4, 2012 by at 9:35 am
Time is short, countrymen! Trust not the British Crown, for theirs is the way of demons! SLAY THE BEAST INSIDE ME! DO NOT WORRY FOR MY SAFETY, JUST DESTROY THE MONSTER!
Today in Porcupine
November 26, 2012 by at 8:25 am
Lickona missed this one as well, and Webb must be off smoking a cigar somewhere. So today the task falls to me:
A porcupine’s main defense against predators consists of keeping its backside to a predator. Get too close and you’ll snag 500 quills engineered to embed themselves deeper and deeper into flesh. A mouth full of these painful pins has caused many an animal to starve to death. In fact, the porcupine is so well-respected, it wanders the forest day or night without much hurry or fear. Few animals are clever enough to successfully hunt porcupines, though mountain lions, fishers, and Chevy Impalas have the most success. That mess of quills is equally effective against its own kind.
Whatever you do, do not follow the echidna link. And I don’t mean that in a ‘Ha! ha! Now that I’ve said something you won’t be able to resist following anyway!’ sort of way. This porcupine story contains enough sex and violence for the day.
There will be an extra point
September 25, 2012 by at 8:34 am
Top three comments in Johnsonville, immediately after witnessing what Wayne Laravee referred to as “The Travesty”:
1. “Russell Wilson: First quarterback in NFL history to win by throwing an interception.”
2. This is how Obama is going to win in November.
3. I thought Giants fans [i.e. JOB] were out of control!
Then to add insult to injury, because points scored by a team in a game are part of the play off calculus at the other end of the season, as the AP reported it, the Packers had to eat their anger and show the stuff of true sportsmen by having to endure a final humiliation:
ADDED: The NFL came out definitively in favor of the rep refs (i.e. Footlocker employees and Lingerie football rejects):
A Little Vaguely Valentinish Irony…
…from across the pond.
And a bonus poem – in the spirit of Potter’s blotter:
The Anti-Valentine
Outside your zone
Away from my orbit
Out of your shadow
A moment alone –
No, rather – apart.
It’s what we know:
Alone.
Apart. A–
Lone. A–
Part.
A lone.
A part.
Our life has been
A mutual eclipse
Of heart from heart,
And the difference it
Makes between
These two distinct and lonely partings of lips.