Cartesian Blues


Cartesian Blues
. .. by Rufus & Quin

I’ve got the Cartesian Blues
From the middle of my brain
All the way down to my nuts and screws

I went to the doctor,
An’ I said, “Gimme da news …”
He just handed me a bunch of data
And said, “It’s just dem ol’ Cartesian Blues!”

I put on my shirt, I put on my shoes,
I put on my rubbers
I had nothing to lose
But them godforsaken Cartesian Blues

I went down by da red lights,
An’ asked, “whaddya got, and how much are the dues?
She said, a hunnerd dolla for 38-26-34
Will get rid of your Cartesian Blues

The automatic teller
Spit out some cash
I’m a handsome feller
I gotta make a splash
Just as soon as I peruse
This article about
The Cartesian Blues

I think therefore I am
Was the caption on her selfie
A vegetarian except for ham
Very clean and never filthy
Except when I hit snooze
And get those Cartesian Blues

So I went down to see the bartender,
And said, “I need some medicine—it’s called booze,
And he answered, “Well I got 101-proof bourbon, aged for 30 years in a 50 gallon barrel,
And that oughtta cure those Cartesian Blues”

It hit my naso-cortex
Like every species of shit
And caused a spark to fly
Across that Cartesian split
But the next morning I paid my dues
I still had those Cartesian Blues

So I went to the social worker,
Cause I got nothing to lose,
And she said, “We got 20% unemployment,
A third of the population is mentally ill,
In the great urban area 5300 people are livin’ in tents,
And now 100% of our assistance programs are means-tested,
Which means we alls got Cartesian Blues”

She referred me to a psychiatrist,
So I told him “I got something on my mind”
And he said, “I think you mean brain”
And I said, “mind”
He said “brain”
I said “mind”
“Well, this is clearly a case of those … Cartesian Blues …”

I went to ask my Ex-wife,
“Ex, Why why why did you move?”
An’ she told me, “I can’t graph
or coordinate your Cartesian Blues …”

In place of God there’s a Demon of Doubt,
All faith is just a ruse …
That is why COGITO ERGO
Cartesian Blues


  1. on the B side: Incarnation stinks

    Thanks, Rufus. I smiled. An achievement!

    I’m not sure I have emails for Kollectiv at this point, so I post here a Catholic art and writing crowdsource plea…we have 6 days to fundraise about $4k. Launching this campaign on election day was our first mistake, in retrospect…can we come together for truth, goodness, and beauty? the kids? solvency???? 🙂

    • Rufus McCain says

      Hey IC, sorry I missed the boat on this. It looks like a beautiful project. I’d gladly throw a few clams in the hat, or buy a copy when it comes out. Keep us posted!

      • It will be for sale next month! Irish eyes are smiling and all!

        • Broderick Barker says

          Aw, hell, IC, I’m sorry. I’ve been away from the blog for some months (thought it was well and truly dead until I got notified it was time to contribute to the hosting fees), and missed this. Keep us posted on publication, and we’ll feature it here at our massively unpopular web log! Who knows, maybe even buy a copy!

          • No worries, my friend. We were happy enough with how it went, given the nation was in the grips of talking about anything other than children’s storytelling for evangelization….eeek. It’ll be out in January. Merry Christmas!

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