Casting The Onion’s same-sex marriage movie, Defense of Marriage

So The Onion published a fun piece in the wake of the Supreme Court’s same-sex marriage ruling:

Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, Alito Suddenly Realize They Will Be Villains In Oscar-Winning Movie One Day

This was the photo collage they went with:


Which naturally led to this:


Patton Oswalt as Scalia, Danny Glover as Thomas, Channing Tatum as Roberts, and Michael Nyqvist as Alito. You’re welcome.

In other news, Scalia had a hilarious bit in his dissent:

The Federal Judiciary is hardly a cross-section of America. Take, for example, this Court, which consists of only nine men and women, all of them successful lawyers who studied at Harvard or Yale Law School. Four of the nine are natives of New York City. Eight of them grew up in east- and west-coast States. Only one hails from the vast expanse in-between. Not a single South-westerner or even, to tell the truth, a genuine Westerner (California does not count). Not a single evangelical Christian (a group that comprises about one quarter of Americans), or even a Protestant of any denomination. The strikingly unrepresentative character of the body voting on today’s social upheaval would be irrelevant if they were functioning as judges, answering the legal question whether the American people had ever ratified a constitutional provision that was understood to proscribe the traditional definition of marriage. But of course the Justices in today’s majority are not voting on that basis; they say they are not. And to allow the policy question of same-sex marriage to be considered and resolved by a select, patrician, highly unrepresentative panel of nine is to violate a principle even more fundamental than no taxation without representation: no social transformation without representation.
Funny because in saying what they are not, he neglects to say what they are: six Roman Catholics and three Jews. Hee hee!


  1. Fork + Country = Done.

  2. Big Jon Bully says

    It seems like one more progressive justice on the court will pretty much make sibling marriage and polygamy inevitable by the line of reasoning used to make this decision. And the mask will come off as far as respect for religious rights. Priests will invariably be forced to perform marriages in secret, and individuals with traditional views of marriage will be weeded out of the armed forces. Gun rights and homeschooling will be vilified on a round-the-clock basis in the media. All it will take will be a burning of the Reichstag type event to declare a crisis and rescind Posse Comitatus and the regime will be enforced by a new breed of soldier. We totally deserve it.

    What a marvelous opportunity for Christian witness. May God give us the grace to stand.

    • Excellent opportunity to shoot guns, too.

      I mean, you know, if, invoking the principle of self-defense, necessity requires it…

      Thanks Bully.


  3. Big Jon Bully says
  4. dang it just hit me I’ve not kept up with my daily dose of the Korrektiv – then I see the old Facebook page hasn’t been updated since April 30th 🙁
    Brilliant picking Tatum, we all know that’s how it would go.

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