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Driver Hate

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To be sung to the tune of “Driver 8”

With apologies to Berry, Mills, Buck, Stipe.

The van, it speeds up, drifting lane to lane
And the kids assigned seats one by one
And the homeschooling dad says
“Shut up you kids back there! You kids back there shut up!
We’ve been on this trip too long!”

And the homeschooling dad says
“Shut up you kids back there! You kids back there shut up!
You’re driving me to drink again! and AA’s still a ways a way!”

I saw an orphanage on the outskirts of that last town,
I’m thinking of getting my tubes tied so I won’t get snagged
Into buying a Grumman bus next time
The children look up, all they hear is my homeschool-daddy rant.

And the homeschooling dad says
“Shut up you kids back there! You kids back there shut up!
We’ve been on this trip too long!”

Way to feel my middle age
Way to drink myself to sleep
Way to feel my middle age
Way to drink myself, my children to sleep.

I fathered each one in a van like this one
But now she sells cold showers and NFP crusades
Ford Fifteen, Econoline, hear the horns blare again,
Out of whisky, out of gin

And the Homeschooling Dad says
“Shut up you kids back there, you kids back there, shut up!
You’re driving me to drink again! and AA’s still a ways away!
Still a ways a way
Still a ways away
Still a ways a way…”

Comments

  1. Matthew Lickona says:

    Do you actually have the temerity to drive that thing to Culver’s with that In-n-Out sticker on it? You’re a bold one, you are.

    The reversal of Shut up you kids back there, you kids back there shut up is maybe my favorite favoritest part. But cold showers and NFP crusades? That just never gets old.

  2. Jonathan Webb says:

    Great job.

  3. Jonathan Potter says:

    Fantastic. We should cut the music video at Guemescene.

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