I was going to write one post but I decided against it and now I’m going to write this post instead.
I was at the zoo with Third Daughter and the Lansing Priest, and we were watching the giraffes. One of the female giraffes began to urinate. The male giraffe stooped his head behind her, extended his riotously long and twisty tongue, and used it to catch some of the stream. Then he raised his head and sucked air over the liquid in his mouth, just the way I used to do at wine tastings when I wanted to aerate the sip I had just taken in an effort to release its flavors more fully.
The lady leading the tour that had stopped next to us said that the male giraffe does this in order to monitor the female’s fertility. When she is fertile, the taste of her urine will change, and he will know it is time for love. The tour guide said that the male keeps a very close watch over this.
That’s not modest!
I guess I better not mention what I saw over at the monkey cage, then. And no, it wasn’t masturbation. It was courtship, and it was hilarious.
If I knew how, I would post a picture of said giraffe (at least I believe it’s the same one) moments after the quaffing incident. Sadly, I can’t figure out how to paste a picture from my iPhoto library. All that happens is this:
/Users/FatherJon/Pictures/iPhoto Library/Previews/2013/11/05/20131105-161840/HP0gKMAoSgSXfeznFuH%9A/IMG_0924.jpg
Forgive my ignorance.
The monkey courtship was the highlight of the visit for me and almost worth the price of admission on its own (do you know how much they charge to go to the zoo these days! #@!**@!!??&*&!##%$!!). You’ll be happy to know that he eventually won her over.
“In certain circumstances, such as while visiting a goddaughter, Homo sapiens will fork out great wads of cash just so said goddaughter can watch koala bears poop in their sleep. Truly, man is the strangest animal.”
“Four things are too wonderful for me, yes, five things I cannot understand:
The way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon the rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, the way of a man with a maiden, and the way a godfather forks out obscene amounts of cash so his goddaughter can watch koala bears poop in their sleep.” Proverbs 30:18-19 (NAB special annotated edition)
Also known as the Vulgar Vulgate.
Truly romantic.