(I think JOB may be winding up the Moran saga, but maybe this could be inserted into an earlier place in the sequence)
Mayor Robert Moran took command from acting Fire Chief James Murphy (ironically, Chief Josiah Collins was at a fire-fighting convention in San Francisco), who was reportedly “distraught”.
“Like carrying coals to Newcastle,”
said Mayor Moran, hearing that Chief
Collins had handed the conn to his vassal,
James Murphy, before traveling lief
To San Francisco for a fire-fighting
Convention. Grabbing a cigar and biting
The end, he then paused, lit match in hand.
“Get me Murphy,” he growled; then fanned
The flame to smoke. It should be so easy,
He thought, then roared: “Never mind!
I’ll go myself!” and left his hat behind.
Murphy was at his desk, looking queasy,
When the mayor arrived. “Out of the chair!”
Barked Moran. Met with a blank stare.
I also realize I’ve made hash with the meter. But I had to write *something*.
The meter may be a bit hashed, but the proof of the hash is in the… the eating. And this is a tasty batch.
Without regular meter, this stanza is, admittedly, not very musical — but the rhyme scheme works like a skeleton beneath the skin.
Letting punctuation rather than line-endings guide the pace of reading makes an especially big difference here. Focus on line-endings, and we get choppy prose. Focus on punctuation, and we have a vignette as elegantly concise as any entry in the Seattle Cycle to date, and a neat study in show-don’t-tell storytelling.
(That cigar! What could it mean?)
I hope you’ll be able to contribute at least another stanza or two, Mr Finnegan. But in any event, thank you for providing this summer’s #1 (en)jam(bment)!
There’s almost an Old English caesura quality about the thing. Make the reader work for it. I like it.
JOB
Actually, just getting started – and this is good – crisp voices and vivid drawing.
I love “….fanned/The smoke to flame.”
JOB
That was good, that one.
Good diggings!