Dear James Cameron

You wanna bring a fantastical world to life? Do a movie about angels. No sentiment, no piety – go for the weirdness and the terrifying power and glory. The mother of all movie battles, indeed.

And just imagine animating this:


  1. Dear Matthew Lickona,

    I thank you for your interest in providing technical support for my next film project – "Touched By an Angel – The Exhilirator." As you may know, its not easy bringing a television program to the big screen. For that reason alone, a director is often hesitant to turn down any offers for help on the technical aspects of a project.

    Unfortunately (for you), based on a recent poll my production team has undertaken, no one really knows – or cares – much about the veracity of the angelic.

    Consequently, the parameters of the ficitonal/factual equation can achieve equitable plausiblitly on the audience acceptance scale, which is always a plus in the drafting process of the screenplay itself. In other words, I can make up whatever I want about angels as I go along. Isn't that great?

    I would also like to take this opportunity to thank you for the copy of "The Summer Theologian" by Tom Aquinas. It appears to be written in Latin. Is that the case? That's a dead language, isn't it? At any rate, I don't read Latin and don't really have the time to find someone who does. While I haven't heard of this Aquinas fellow (Did he recently win the Pulitzer Prize for life in upstate NY or am I thinking of someone else?) I do wish you luck in finding a good reader for his novel. I'm sure it will make a fine screenplay someday. I might add that, given the multi-volume nature of the story, it appears to have some real sequel possiblities as well. (Did you check with Peter Jackson?)

    Thanks again for offer of help, and please don't hesitate to contact me in the future. I really enjoyed your sally into the realm of fantasy, I might add. Your idea on angels' intellects proceeding by direct comprehension of universals really got me thinking….

    Depending on how well TBA does (we're still in negotiations with Oprah to play the lead role), I'm tossing around the idea of redoing Its a Wonderful Life as an Action Adventure vehicle for Bruce Willis. (Uh-oh, that means MORE angels, how 'bout THAT?)

    See you at the movies!



    p.s. Pleae find enclosed an Avatar movie poster. I'd love to know what you thought of my recent big screen version of "Man from Atlantis." Despite some minor changes in premises, character, and plot, I hope the basic tale of alien good vs. terrestial evil remains as salient as ever…

  2. Matthew Lickona says


  3. Dear Mr. Lickona,

    I am writing to correct a misconception that seems to have arisen between us in our correspondence.

    You're uncle is a producer of a popular variety show with a country-western format.

    I am a producer of vastly, hugely, big time- and money-devouring cinematic epics with monstrously gianormous special effects and actors being paid salaries comparable to most 3rd world country GNPs, actors, some of whom, I might add, are not even human (i.e. the leads for Titanic).

    While I know very little about you, surely I never for a moment thought you were attempting to influence me by falsely peddling yourself as some long lost relation.

    At any rate, your faux pax does inspire me to attempt a retelling of Johnny Tremain (where just such a plot device appears at a critical moment in the story) as a Space Epic. I believe it will be a great vehicle for the up and coming Channing Tatum, soon to appear in the Eagle of the 9th (although Macdonald could have updated it, set it during Reagan's takeover of Grenada…Ah well, opportunities lost…)

    At any rate, I remain expensively, self-importantly yours,


  4. j. christian says

    Dear Mr. Lickona:

    I am an attorney representing Mr. James Cameron. It has come to my attention that a blog you own ("Godsbooty") has made a claim of intellectual copyright infringement. Let me assure you: Mr. Cameron has already conceived of every cinematic concept that will ever be conceived, forever and ever. Your insinuation that you are the creator of a fantasy story involving angels is baseless. Mr. Cameron already has a treatment on this subject with the working title "Ex Caeli – Seraphim Unleashed." He describes it as "a meditative, thought-provoking middle finger to the religious Right."

    You are hereby requested to cease and desist all claims of intellectual ownership of said property. If you do not, we will be forced to bring litigation against you and the staff of "Godsbooty." Possible damages include garnishing your surplus children for indentured servitude as production assistants for Mr. Cameron.

    Thank you for your compliance in this matter.

    Sue Yorazov, Esq.

    P.S. Please inform your associate, "JOB," that his impersonation of Mr. Cameron in fictitious correspondence to you is both libelous and blasphemous. Should such a case be brought against "JOB," possible restitution will include his indentured servitude as an editor and ghost writer of Mr. Cameron's forthcoming book of poetry, I Have Touched The Face of God, and Other Things You Will Never Know.

  5. Matthew Lickona says

    Best thread ever?

  6. Dear Mr. Lickona,

    I have contacted Mr. Yorazov, and we've come to an agreement. I will look past his impertinent remarks about you and my so-called impersonations of myself, and we will share your children equally among our respective staff. In return we will allow Godsbitty to continue unabated by threats of lawsuit or intergallatic transmogrification. (If you need to ask…)



    p.s. Could you forward contact information on this JOB fellow? I do need, as Mr. Yorazov rightly noted, a ghost writer for my immaculately concieved autobiography. I envision the book to be written in Miltonic blank verse (what else?) and heard he might be a good candidate. And besides, John Zmirak is not available.

  7. Matthew Lickona says

    Mr. Burns: Get me Spielberg!
    Smithers: Um, Spielberg's not available.
    Mr. Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent!

  8. Matthew,

    Si, senor!


  9. Will you guys please turn this thread into a book? I mean, if Seinfeld can get "Letters from a Nut" published…

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