I will never be able to unsee Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The damage is done. But this helps to ease the pain a little. The language is very blue, but deep bitterness over the outraging of your childhood can have that effect.

[Via Goldenfiddle.]


  1. Matthew,

    It’s not like you haven’t been warned.

    It’s what friends do: suffer the harrowings of hell or, in this case, Hollywood arrogance, so that our loved ones need not…

    But thank you, this has been a salve and a poultice for the disgust which still sputters and seethes in my brainpan for Lucasberg.


  2. cubeland mystic says


    I find your lack of faith disturbing.

  3. CM:

    Lucasberg: I thought I smelled their foul stench when I came on board…


  4. Matthew Lickona says

    Lucasberg. Only you would be so bold.

  5. Cubeland Mystic says

    I’m haunted by this post that you should never have written. My heart is beating…hoping this post will not become a scar.

  6. Matthew Lickona says

    Good heavens man – you mystics can be frightening when you’ve a mind to. Sadly, Joe Blogger over here can’t understand the danger you refer to. They attacked my childhood. I found someone who fired back.

  7. Cubeland Mystic says

    After 1800 years my knowledge of the force has grown immense.

    I am referring to only the single worst line in film history delivered awkwardly by Anikin Skywalker from Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones,

    “I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating…hoping that kiss will not become a scar.”

  8. notrelatedtoted says

    It can’t possibly be worse that Temple of Doom .

  9. Matthew Lickona says

    Oh, shame on me for not recognizing that line. All I can remember is, “I hate sand. It gets everywhere.” But your line trumps that with ease.


  10. Anonymous says

    so, the other day, a cute young guy came by selling clarks pest control. naturally, i bought it. mostly, because he was cute, but also because of the ants. anyway, somehow, that movie came up. and he was like “dude, it was just, like way too fake for me.”
    out of the mouths of cute, surferish, clarks salesmen.
    it just really made me laugh. mcm

  11. Matthew, could it be that you’ve over-sanctified the movies of your youth, so that when sequels are made and you see them with adult eyes, they don’t compare to the childish impressions you formed of the originals? (I say childish only because you were a child, not as any commentary about you now.)

  12. Matthew Lickona says

    Certainly possible. But while Star Wars (the one we saw as kids) now looks ridiculous to me (well, Empire Strikes Back less so), Raiders still has me seeing stars. Plus, my Dad loved it, even back then, when he wasn’t a youth. In part, I’m sure, for the homage it paid to the cliffhanger serials of old. In part because Harrison Ford exudes a kind of movie-star larger-than-life charisma in that film that you almost never see any more.

  13. notrelatedtoted says

    Raiders of the Lost Ark is still one of my favorite movies. And then…

    Two words:

    Gunga Din.

    Watched it again with the kids this weekend. Great film, too bad they didn’t understand “franchising” back then. But getting to the point, it was clearly a source of inspiration for Spielberg.

  14. notrelatedtoted says

    I was just kidding about the franchising thing, by the way. Indiana Jones is a good example of a bad franchise discrediting a great movie.

    Raiders of the Lost Ark – great.

    Temple of Doom – nearly unwatchable.

    Last Crusade – Good, but only because it doggedly follows the formula from the first movie.

  15. Anonymous says

    Oh come on … I loved that movie. Of course, it wasn’t as good as Raiders or The Last Crusade, but it did have a certain charm about it. And Harrison Ford, in spite of so many stupid jokes about his age, proved that he can still kick butt with the best of them. Long may he thrive!

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