Faith at the Edge

“I don’t remember anything else that was said that day. The presentations moved on to other subjects, but I was fixated on that one simple phrase, ‘love is a decision.’ I glanced over at my wife, who was sitting next to me and looking straight ahead at the presenters. Do I love this woman? I don’t feel any love for her. Can I decide to love her? For a brief moment, I was terrified because I didn’t know the answer. And then something occurred to me. If love is a decision, it follows that it is my decision. I can’t control my feelings, but I can control my decisions. What had driven me to the despair of contemplating divorce was the perception that I had no control over the downward spiral of my marriage. But when this man described love as an act of the will, suddenly I wasn’t looking for a parachute anymore. For the first time, I felt hope that I could pull our marriage out of its nosedive. As the presenting couple continued to speak and my wife continued to watch, I said to myself in silence, ‘I will love her.'”

– Brian Pessaro, from “My Tallahassee Purgatory”

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