Faith at the Edge

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“It’s been eight months since I made love to my wife. Eight months since the birth of our daughter. Sometimes there are tears of frustration. Sometimes, I take secret pleasure in a sexual purity that I haven’t known since the fifth grade. The stains of my sexual brokenness, that I thought had been cleansed by marriage, can’t hide any longer behind the sloth of the satisfied husband in bed. I lay awake at night hoping that this celibacy is not permanent, but that the chastity – my own properly ordered sexuality – might be. This isn’t purity based on unknowing, as if my mind could somehow regain the innocence of my prepubescent past. Rather, it’s the purity that comes when you admit that there are some corner’s of the devil’s hell that you still find overwhelmingly erotic, but still, once more, you decide to look away.”

– Patrick Still, from “Porn and the Sacred Heart”

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