In the movie About Schmidt, the lead character (played by Jack Nicholson in his subdued-neorotic mode as opposed to his manic-neurotic mode) sits down to pee because his wife has berated him into doing so. By contrast, consider the Sherman Alexie short story, “Saint Junior” (from The Toughest Indian in the World). In that story, the lead character sits down to pee as an act of love towards his wife, reflecting that, no matter how good an aim you are, the ordinary stand-up pee inevitably results in droplets going astray.
The moral of these two stories? Wives: try to be less bitchy, don’t be like Mrs. Schmidt. Husbands: love your wives, try to be more like Junior (who also pours gasoline over a snow-covered basketball court and lights it in order to clear the way for a little midwinter hoop action, which is another sort of act of love).
Why don’t you just wear a Utilikilt McCain?
By the way, could you resend the flight information? And could you tell me what part of town we’re going to be in?
Another consideration: if it’s the middle of the night and you don’t want to turn on the light, there’s really no safe alternative to the sit-down pee. Not unless you’re sleeping out in the woods or some such.