Which Kind Are You?

Samantha: I always say there are two kinds of men, the herbivores and the carnivores. It’s something about the way they look at you. Because I’ve got these tits I get a lot of looks. I know you used to say at school that you’d kill for them, Hetty, but frankly I’d give anything for a figure like yours. No, honestly. Clothes hang so much better on a flat-chested figure. Not that you’re completely flat, darling, but you know what I mean. Anyway, some men just run their eyes appreciatively over you as if you were a statue or something, those are the herbivores, they just want to browse, and others look at you as if they would like to tear your clothes off and sink their teeth into you, those are the carnivores.

David Lodge, Therapy


  1. The Ironic Catholic says

    C. none of the above?

  2. angelmeg says

    I’m the motherly type. The one they unload all the problems on.

  3. Rufus McCain says

    Nun of the Above?

    Actually, I think this distinction applies to women as well. Correct me if I’m wrong, ladies, but women are much less visually attuned to the bodies of men than men are to the bodies of women. Nevertheless, you do often browse appreciatively, and in a vegetarian mode, nicht wahr?

    What is disconcerting to a man — and it might only happen once or twice in a lifetime, if at all — is when he encounters a carnivorous woman, one who devours men and with her eyes and spits them out. This happened to me only once, when I was seventeen and at the prime of youthful buffness (sadly long since past). I was sitting on an airliner about to depart from Amsterdam for a return trip to the US of A, when a group of Mormons boarded. Among them was an amazonian woman, very un-Mormonlike, it seemed to me, who gave me such a look as she passed by in the aisle. My buddy sitting next to me elbowed me and enthusiastically suggested I might be joining the mile-high club.

  4. Rufus McCain says

    On the other hand, maybe this sort of thing happens to Brad Pitt all the time.

  5. The Ironic Catholic says

    Uh, maybe. I think we’re seduced by friendship and confidences. We’re not the visual sort.

    And I’m with Angelmeg–they’d break up with the mean girlfriend, come to me, I’m make them dinner and listen, and they’s say “Gee thanks” and leave. Pooh.

    Of course, sic (hubby) is the wonderful exception to that routine.

  6. The Ironic Catholic says

    Amazonian Mormons in Flight?

    Sounds like a novella.

  7. angelmeg says

    I will admit to having had carnivorous thoughts.

    Does that make me like Jimmy Carter? (I have lusted in my heart)

    For the past, nearly 25 years though my only thoughts like that have been for one man. Hopefully his have been for me. At least he has kept any other thoughts to himself.

    Don’t get me wrong I do admire a handsome man. But usually in a very “Wow, God did a really nice job there” kind of way.

    Odly enough I have a strange attraction for men who are happily married, there is something about the way they look that makes them more handsome. Hugh Jackman, Jim Caviezel, mrangelmeg God was just showing off when he made guys like that.

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