St. Anthony is Taunting Me

About a year ago I lost a little green hardback notebook in which I’d recorded, among other things, my outlines of several novels, my diagrammatic notes on St. Thomas’s division of the scriptures, names and addresses of several lost sheep of the lost tribes of Israel, a work-out regimen designed by my personal trainer in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and several dreams involving airplanes crashing and/or strange sexual encounters or re-encounters, as well as a variety of shopping and to-do lists I’ve yet to complete.

At first I didn’t worry about the missing journal. So much in my life has gone missing and so much has returned seven-fold. But then weeks and months went by and my thoughts, when they occasionally veered in the direction of the absence of my little green notebook, grew sadder.

Then I ventured onto angelmeg’s blog, Transitory Mutterings, and read this. So I added my prayer to St. Anthony in the comments section. Then, innocently, I ventured over to Amy Welborn’s blog, Open the Effin’ Book, and was hit in the face with an image of St. Anthony (no longer on display on Amy’s front page, so don’t bother looking for it) holding a freakin’ green book — my little green book! So I ask you, St. Anthony, What are you trying to tell me? And what do I have to do to get my book back?


  1. Rufus McCain says

    P.S. Now I’ve gone and lost my $400 prescription sunglasses as well.

  2. Matthew Lickona says

    “Harry, you are a fool. And you will lose everything.” – Lord Voldemort

    Me, I lost my lovely little cell phone. You should see the monstrosity I got to replace it. In fact, you probably CAN see it. From space.

  3. angelmeg says

    He still hasn’t helped to find my key chain.

    I am sure that just as soon as I fork over the tem bucks or whatever ransom they charge at the YMCA to replace my missing Y-card which was on that key ring (along with a really important key that I am going to need in a few weeks) Old Tony will get right on the job and my keys will show up somewhere in the house right in plain sight.

    I join you in hating him.

    LOL Matthew, Next time I check out the view of the world from the space station I will see if your cell phone is actually visible.

  4. cubeland mystic says

    Have you checked behind the hopper? I once found a pound of hundreds behind my bidet once. While you’re lookin, I’d leaf through any reading material there in your “library”. It might be mixed in with old Magnificats and GQ’s.

  5. Rufus McCain says

    1. Sometimes it’s a blessing to lose something … or to be lost.

    2. Is anything ever really lost?

    3. Lost in the Cosmos

    4. Hate is an awfully strong word to use against a saint, angelmeg. There’s the thing about burying St. Joseph upside down. I guess I cd try that. Get Tony’s balls in a vice somehow.

    5. First Things, Commonweals, National Geographics, Nude Figure Drawing, Catholicism for Idiots, The Idiot.

    6. While some nodded in agreement others continued insulting the phone (and [Matthew]) with jabs like:
    “Are you the telephone repairman?”
    “Can I borrow your cash register?”
    “Does your vending machine have Coke?”
    “Are you checking the air quality?”
    “Is that a graphing calculator?”
    “Shall I take you to our leader? I’ll do it, just put that thing away.”

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