Lance Cites Sheryl’s Lack of “Religious Postulates”

In another shocking celebrity breakup, LANCE ARMSTRONG and SHERYL CROW have split, according to People magazine. The seven-time Tour de France bicycling champion and the rockstar musician got engaged in September 2005, when Armstrong proposed to Crow in Sun Valley, ID, not long after he retired from the pro circuit in July. He and Crow officially became an item back in early 2004.

“After much thought and consideration we have made a very tough decision to split up. We both have a deep love and respect for each other and we ask that everyone respect our privacy during this very difficult time,” a joint statement released to People through Armstrong’s spokesman read.

“She’s hot, I saw that!” Lance was overheard saying to one of his racing teammates in the popular Queequeg’s bar in Seattle on the day of the split. “But I’ve been reading Kierkegaard lately and it just hit me like a brick that she ain’t got no religious postulates and there’s, like, this yawning chasm between us.”

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