1. I got a bottle of tequila, a bottle of gin, and if I bring a little music I could fit right in…

  2. …And here’s what Tequila(R) users have to say about this fantastic new product!

    “I am 93 years old and I’ve tried a lot of different remedies for shyness. But nothing worked like Tequila(R). I turned our Bingo hall into a Caberet and now all my friends are fired up about the spontaneous lingerie party we had last weekend in the recreation room of Sannes Norskeland Retirement Home. Thanks Tequila (R). My whole life changed!”

    Driska Olson

    And there’s this being said about Tequila(R).

    “When I got to college, I couldn’t lose my virginity fast enough – but unfortunately, I was just ugly enough that I wasn’t as easy as you might think. Then I found Tequila(R) and my whole life changed!”

    -Gert Flanderstaal

    Then there’s this:

    “My social life was going no where. Here I was stuck on top of thissere damn mountain and no fun no how. Then, when I went into town to fetch some staples and sich, I found a bottle of Tequila(R) and my whole life changed!”


    “I told my friend Ennis about Tequila(R) and my whole life changed!”


    “Forget beer! Because of Tequila(R), my whole life changed!”
    -Michael Jackson

    “Forget boys! Because of Tequila(R), my whole life changed!”
    -Michael Jackson

    Let it incontrovertibly change your life, too! Order Tequila(R) today!

  3. Notrelatedtoted says

    The setting: An airy room, with white upholstered furniture, wispy drapes blowing in the breeze, a seasoned, handsome man sits on the couch smirking at the camera…


    When I started using Tequila, I thought life couldn’t be better. [flash to scene of blurry revelry, man with lampshade on head, mariachi band in background] But then I tired of the giddiness, the short-term memory loss and never being able to find my pants. Heck, I wasn’t a kid anymore! I need to be able to grind out an 80 hour work week to pay for my beach house. With Tequila, I’d lose my head with the first dose and wake up in a different county [flash to blurry scene of man laying in the gutter with a foam flourescent pink sombrero on]. Tequila(R) left me feeling empty, exhausted and disoriented.

    Then I switched to Vodka(R). Vodka helps me overcome my anxieties and yet lets me keep my edge. No more late nights with two dollar tiajuana hookers or handing my money out to strangers on street corners. Instead, I’m shouting at my neighbors, smashing furniture and sucker-punching anyone that gets in my way. I’m LIVING my life – angrily and full of hate.

    Thanks, Vodka!

    Narrator Voiceover:

    Ask your doctor if Vodka is right for you. Common side effects may cause black eyes, assault charges, domestic distubances, headbutting, stewing, sulking….

    Vodka: drink and destroy!

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